I Believe

17th February '14

“God is at home, it is we who have gone out for a walk.”

-          Meister Eckhart

I am always intrigued at the topic of God; whether God  exists or not. Ask an atheist and he will convince you that there is no God. Ask a believer and he will convince you there is. I believe. I have faith in God and I think believing in him gives a sense of confidence to you when you are full of self doubt.

Believing in God includes believing in yourself too. In today’s world trust is a difficult attribute to find in people. They say, “I have been hurt too many times. I fear trusting anyone.” And we don’t trust each other at all. In all this chaos isn’t trusting in God easy? Or is it just more difficult to trust in someone you have never met?

In the Indian community children are taught to pray from a very young age but as we grow up we realize the actual need and importance of prayers. When you are down and out and there is no one to hold on to for support, stretch your hand out and God will hold you. That’s the message the song “aas pass hai khuda” gives.

I have many friends who do not believe. Who say, “I only trust myself. I only believe in myself.” Yes, that is important too. But haven’t you ever been in a situation where no matter how hard you try you are not able to reach your goal? Or where something bad happens, like an illness, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to make it better? Who do you go to at that time?

And it is not only at the time of need but everyday small things happen that make us grateful. Getting no traffic when you drive to office in the morning, forgetting your wallet but finding money in your pocket by chance; these instances may be random but they make you happy or grateful for a while.

I believe in the power of prayers. When a large number of people pray or even if one single person prays with his whole heart the prayer is heard. I think people who believe in God are optimistic. They believe and trust that everything that happens is happening for their good. They are much happier and content than the people who don’t have anything to believe in.

It is not just God but believing that an external force is guiding you, guiding us towards our destiny, believing that everything happens for a reason and that my ultimate goal is to be happy and content. Believing in God does that.

I have always gained inner peace when I leave my troubles to God. I am a happy person because I believe everything will turn out well and good. I may not know where I am heading but I am sure He knows. Hod does not lose anything when you take something from Him but you gain a lot. He is at home. When are you coming back?

A Better View

16th Aug '13

I have always been the kind of person who loves the rain. No matter how many hours i have to spend in traffic jams or how dirty my car gets, i love rains. It is not the rain that causes the traffic jams, it's us. And the potholes on the roads are created because of the poor quality of roads and traffic jams, not the rain.

So, yes, i love it when it rains bringing respite from the heat. I can spend hours looking at the drops of water falling from the sky. But today it's not about the rain, it is about the rainbow. Going forward with the quotation, "If you want to see the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain."

While returning from a family gathering, driving on the Yamuna Expressway, it continuously rained during our 3 hour drive. I just enjoyed watching the different shades of clouds and the water droplets on my window. None of us was complaining as every direction we looked in, we saw a refreshing site.

Only 10 minutes were left in our journey and we saw a faint rainbow, incomplete yet beautiful. We stopped the car and took a photograph, just happy to see a rainbow after a very long time. Next up on entering our area we saw 2 rainbows, both incomplete. Nevertheless, we stopped the car and took another picture, happier to see 2 rainbows, which is a rare site.

We reached home, safe and sound, tired by the journey. Just as we entered and saw out of the balcony, there was the brightest rainbow we had ever seen. From where we saw it it was half. It was beautiful. Almost as if someone had painted it on the sky or the Gods themselves were throwing a bright, colorful light into the sky. We were completely mesmerized by it.

But no, that was not it. As we entered into the other balcony we saw the complete rainbow, not one but two. The sight was unforgettable. Two complete rainbows right before our eyes. Now we felt truly blessed to see that sight.

Contemplating to the whole event i think we were happy enough to see the rainbow when it showed for the first time. Half, a little faded but beautiful in its own self. The next view was of 2 rainbows, even more attractive and making us happier. But it did not stop there.

What made us feel truly blessed was 2 complete rainbows. It was as if the God had made them Himself to be shown to us. To tell us that we deserve so much more.

We get what we want and we are satisfied and happy. Not knowing that God has bigger plans for us. He wants us to experience so much more. Not only to be happy but to feel truly blessed. It is us who try playing it safe and stop at what makes us happy.

It is within our destiny to get the best. We just have to try a little harder, be a little more patient and believe in God a little more, and He will himself gift us with the most beautiful sights. He will surprise us with what he has to offer. Only we need to keep our eyes open and wish for a little more...

The Confessions of a Writer

6th June '13

I write because I know of no other way to express myself. I know of no other way to touch your heart. No other way of giving a piece of myself. No other way of being truer to you.

I write because that is all that I know. When I write I show myself to you. I become vulnerable and open to your judgment. But the acceptance is still up to you.

The day that I have nothing more to say, no words to choose from, will be the end of me. That will be the end of us, our conversation and our life together.

The only way you know me is by my words, what I say to you and what I write. It’s what I feel that I put down on paper. There are not made-up words. They are a true reflection of how I feel.

When I bring my heart out and let it wander a little, those are the times I write. When I can completely decipher the feelings and cover them up in words that can truly serve their purpose, that is when I write.

My writings are a mirror to my soul, a window to my heart. They are the purest reasons to know me, like me or hate me. My purpose is to exhaust this way of expression that I have been gifted with. My purpose is to write.

I will give you all that I have, the understanding is up to you. I share, I dare to bare my soul and write about my dreams, wishes and fears. I dare to put out my hurt, out there in the open, for people to know that they are not alone.

When I write you connect to me, maybe only for the ten minutes you just spent reading my words, but there is a connection. You can see me, a piece of me, and know what I think.

The next time you read something, anything, know that the writer has exposed themselves in front of you. You can read their mind and soul. You know what someone feels, but in some way you’ll know, there are people who feel just like you. The difference between them and you is they write.

Not Human Enough

26th March '13

I read in the paper today, a 4-year-old picked up from the pavement where she was sleeping with her parents, raped and then dumped 300 m away in the bushes. Everyday we read news stories of rapes and crime. After the much talked about incident in December where Nirbhaya was raped and brutally beaten, the cases of rape are in the limelight.

Have we ceased to be humans? How can a man hurt a woman this bad? And in the 4-year-old's case, she is just a baby. Not only this there have been reports about such young girls being raped by neighbors, uncles, family friends and if all these are not enough just random men on the street.

No, I as a young girl do not feel safe alone, not even in the nearby market. And I don't think any of the female friends I have do. No matter how much you talk about women empowerment and respecting women, no, it is not there out on the street. We do not see the reality tucked away in our upper middle class homes.

For a girl everyday stepping out of her house whether to go to school, college or work is a struggle. She has to get mocked, stared at and even touched to live in the world out there. I do not have one female friend who has not had an unpleasant experience on the street. In fact I do not have any female friend who has not had such experience.

Should people on the street help? Another news story, a bouncer stopped some men from eve-teasing a 11-year-old girl on the street. Next thing, those men kill the bouncer for "interfering". The savior in such cases also has to pay for doing the good deed. I am not even going to touch the topic of the police.

It it anger, repressed sexual feelings or just the urge of keeping women in their power that lead men to do such a heinous crime? I was once watching a show in a popular channel where youngsters were talking about gays. A guy sitting among them commented, "I do not feel comfortable about being with gays because if he would touch me in a different way or make a pass, I will feel uncomfortable." How great, if a guy makes a pass at you because he is gay you will feel uncomfortable but there is no problem in staring and commenting on a woman just walking down the street.

Not only on the street, you can hear your male colleagues talk about women. The kind of words they use tells us the mentality they have, and this is the educated, young, intelligent men in our country. They cannot talk without using derogatory words and abuses among themselves.

I do not know how to react to rape cases anymore, but yes, when someone tries to tell me to stop going out of the house if you want to stop being stared at, that makes me angry. Why should I stop living my life just because there are some lesser humans on the street?

I don't even know the solution to this crime against women. I just know that every time I hear such news, I feel a little more angry and a little more enraged. To inflict pain on another and give them a scar for life is a bigger crime than killing the person. I just know that the people who can commit such a crime are not to be called humans. They are just not human enough.

Can Love Happen Twice?

(Written after reading the book by Ravinder Singh with the same name)

3rd March '12

I don't know what love is or what is the difference between your love and my love, I just know that we are all different. Love is different to all of us. It may mean different things. But what I do know is that love cannot survive alone. It needs trust, respect, understanding, humor and many more things to keep it going. Love is a whole package of all these things inside. It does not come alone, it cannot survive alone.

Love never ends. It just stays there, in a small corner somewhere in your heart ready to warm you as and when you let it. This love then can also be for another person.

Loving again is much more insecure than loving for the first time. First love is just such a rush of blissful emotions, while the second time you're aware of all the hurt it can cause. There are more inhibitions than expectations, more fears than dreams.

I think loving again is more intense. The first time you keep an undiscovered part to yourself. But the second time, you give your all. I am not mentioning momentary love here. I talk of never ending love for someone, where no matter how much you try not to but you still care for the person. One that is not rational, one that makes you go crazy many times, one that lets you surrender.

I don't know about first love, never really delved deep into it but second love, yes, that would be revealing myself completely. Love that was left unsaid has to be revealed the next time. The second time it's more clear, aware that it may not work. The first time tragedy strikes and you get yourself back together, next time it happens you know what to do.

Yes, love can happen twice but it takes courage. Courage to give that broken heart to someone again. A lot more courage it took the first time. It makes you more mature. Not everyone is that courageous. Not everyone can fall in love again, very few dare to do it.

Love makes your heart bigger, selfless, eager to make the one you love happy in any which way. The same love can also break your heart, in such little pieces that it may become impossible to join them back again. Love is both surreal and real. It involves dreams as well as reality. But most of all it requires two people who understand and live for each other and themselves.