How long does "forever" last?

15th Aug '11

I have always been in conflict with the word forever, from the time I have known its true meaning, that is. As a child I have read many fairy tales ending in "happily ever after" but does this "ever after", specially a happy one, actually exist?

Now I know it doesn't. Life is not supposed to be a serene lake where you sail without any difficulty. Life is meant to be the high seas; sometimes calm and serene and other times rough and harsh. If it's all easy then you will never know how to row your boat away from the storm or even dodge them.

When I hear that all famous romantic dialogue, "I will be there for you forever," it makes me think "How will you really do that?" A person has to die and after that their own version of forever ends. I think my forever exists till I exist. But there is another forever that indeed lasts forever.

All tangible things perish. No matter what it is, it is going to either die, break or fall apart when the time comes. But there are certain other things, the intangible ones that indeed remain forever. The things you remember in your heart as memories, words or stories.

The most important examples are the fairy tales, nursery rhymes and folk tales. They have been coming down from generations and generations. Originally developed hundreds or years ago but they are still fresh in our minds.

While going through the origins of nursery rhymes like Jack and Jill and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star I found out that they were originally written in the late 1700's or early 1800. Even fairy tales likeCindrella and Little Red Riding Hood have been written as early as the 16th century.

Not only literally works but paintings, songs, films have all being made from so long that the earlier ones have been in this world from almost "forever". If these stories, songs, poems etc are kept alive in the generations to come they will indeed continue as they are.

For any person we lose to the laws of nature, we remember them by the words they said and deeds they did. They remain in our memories forever and they can. I think forever exists, it may not be all rosy and merry but it does. Intangible things are kept alive by us, cherished and preserved. Things that give us comfort or things that have been merely made for amusement have been and will be there in this world long after we have gone.

There is a quote "We are all travelers to this time, this place. We are just passing through." Does it not give us the perspective of our life. This world, the Earth was here long before we came and will continue to exist long after we are gone. This world is going to be there for a very long time, almost forever, we will not. So my forever lasts for a lifetime and the world's forever will last as long as this world does.

Foot prints

I had lost my first child before I even held him in my arms. The doctors had said that he would not make it. We still hoped to see a healthy baby. Hopes don't always get realized in fact they seldom do as what happened with us. We needed a miracle.

"Neha and Amar are the perfect couple and the only thing missing in their lives is a child", this is what all our relatives used to say after a year and a half into our marriage. Of course we wanted a baby and our wish was granted after two years of our marriage. When the good news finally knocked on our door the families on both sides were beyond happy. But I was always a little scared. You know they say, "The more the expectations, the more the hurt."

We got to know there were complications right after we started to believe that everything is going to be normal. I remember the grim look on the doctor's face when she was taking an ultrasound. I wanted to know instantly what was wrong but she insisted on having some tests to confirm her diagnosis.

"The baby has a hole in his heart", her exact words. You never bother to know about critical life threatening diseases until they happen to you. The closest I had been to a person with a hole in his heart was a man in some random movie. Now I had another person as my own child. The family broke down, "The more the expectations, the more the hurt."

Our families hid their despair in front of us but we knew they were sad. Amar , too, tried to put on a brave face but who could stay that calm when a part of them is going to be taken away. Our first child was going to be born with a hole in his heart in a month's time.

When you know there are complications, all your thoughts of whether it is a boy or a girl, or what will be the name take a backseat. The only priority question was, "How was he going to live?" Or worse still, "How long was he going to live?" I always knew loosing a family member was a big loss but loosing a child or watching them die before your eyes everyday was something I had to keep myself ready for. I was shattered.

Then Amar, me and our families saw a ray of hope in the face of our baby. It was his eyes, the shine in them that gave us courage despite of his frail body and the doctor's words. Those eyes always smiled. Not the very happy smile but a hopeful one. He gave hope to us and when we knew there was no hope he gave us courage to face what lay ahead.

The day our baby was born we took his foot prints. Not as a hospital procedure but it was one of my wishes. When I was growing up I always wondered how little I was. I wanted a way to measure myself. Old photographs were there but it did not let me measure against anything. So I wanted to keep the foot prints of my child, precisely taken on every birthday, so that he could measure himself and would not have to wonder like I did. Of course, I did not know that he would not celebrate even one birthday.

The only option we had was a donor, but operating on a little, fragile body was out of the question. "We need to keep him alive and healthy till we are sure that we can operate on him", I wondered how doctors get the strength to break such news to people. We knew we would lose him. He was just too weak.

So we decided we would take his foot prints every month. We celebrated his birthday every month and ensured that he remained happy. He was a perfect little baby, not physically though. He mostly smiled, his hopeful smile, and slept quietly when he was tired. Everyday me and Amar would play with him for hours then watch him sleep peacefully. Our relatives all grew fond of him. Everyone knew that he will be lost one day but still we strived to be happy and keep him smiling. He was our little world in the brief nine months that he was with us.

"How can a tiny soul endure so much?" Still he fought, for a whole nine months our baby lived as happily as any normal baby would. We celebrated when he learnt to sit and learnt to grasp with his tiny fingers. The whole family adored him and, yes, we took his foot prints every month without fail. I had lost people before but the void that was created by loosing something as precious as my own baby could never be filled. Not even when we had our second child.

We did have two more babies after that, twin girls, but he was always going to be the first one. His sisters know him, have seen him in photographs and videos but the most they love is to measure his foot prints, the tangible proof of his existence, one that we could touch and feel. All nine of them adorn the wall of his sister's room. For me his foot prints are in my heart, my first child whose memories will never fade because of the foot prints that he left behind.

The Boy Who Lived

12th July '11

I read Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone when I was 11, when Harry was 11. I have literally grew up with Harry Potter. It is not just a story for me but an experience that I have always been in. A magical world that is so true to life that you sometimes want it to actually exist.

Always liking fiction I have spend my childhood reading Enid Blyton, Ruskin Bond and fairy tales. These were stories that entertained, amused and delighted me. The language was simple, the stories heart touching and I always had the satisfaction of having been in a world different to where I live.

Harry Potter is much more than those stories that I read as a child. Imagining Harry in a school called Hogwarts learning spells and doing magic with his friends Hermoine and Ron was never difficult for me. I could well see in my mind the great big castle with thousands of students.

In the start Harry Potter was meant to be a children's book. But as the characters of the books grew up so did the readers of the book. The characters went through the similar feelings of growing up as did the readers.

It was when I grew up that I realized Harry Potter is a story that requires immense imagination and intelligence. I have admired J. K. Rowling ever since. The tremendous amount of imagination and detailed work that she has put in this fictional series is one that is difficult to achieve even in non-fiction writing where you have the facts.

Every little thing that happens is connected. Once the secrets were revealed by Dumbledore to Harry the readers can also understand the depth to which J. K. Rowling has gone to answer the questions that arise in the book. The last three parts, The Order of the Phoenix, The half-Blood Prince and The Deathly Hallows have linked each and every thing that happened in the very first book too.

But what is it in the books that has touched so many? The basic moral of the series is the good wins over evil. In the series Dumbledore has always told Harry to believe in love and friendship. Sacrifice and death are also an integral part of the series. Harry's life starts with his parents dying. And over the years when he has fought Lord Voldemort he has lost many others. He kept on fighting for what is right.

It is a story about faith, trust, respect and making the correct choices. It has taught many that truth prevails, goodness wins in the end. The books teach me a new thing every time I read them. They have made me smile, laugh and cry.

The story of the boy who lived is forever. It is a piece of literature that has changed lives of the youth the world over. The love of a story can be seen in the Harry Potter fans. No other series has inspired millions of people in this way.

It doesn't seem to me as if it is ending. I have always read the books with the same enthusiasm as the first time. The fans of Harry Potter have never been disappointed and they never will be. As Dumbledore said, "Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean it is not real?"

The Future Still Remains

10th July '11

Moving on. Two words that are used as simply as any other but these are the words that make us understand the meaning of life. Life itself is about moving on. Once I read a quote "We are all travelers to this time, this place. We are just passing by." Indeed, the world as such remains, it is us who are moving with time.

We as humans get attached to things very easily. It is very easy to love and the more you love the more difficult it is to let go. Many religions tell us to not believe in attachment. And also that your love and care should be no less than any other person. Just do not cling on if someone wants to leave.

We are no saints and it is not an easy task to be devoid of attachments. But to think of it won't life be much happier if we just enjoyed the moment and did not cling on to things and people? We never know when life would end, for us or for a loved one. Why not just keep happy memories and when things start getting sour, let them go. This way we would preserve the happy memories and think of that time as a good one.

"Sometimes we spoil a perfectly good thing in the want making it better." This quotation made me think about the time when I used to make drawings as a child. I did a sketch which would look perfectly okay but then I would color it in such a way that it would spoil the look the of the picture. My intentions were just to make it look better but I ended up spoiling it.

Some people cling on to things. You cannot keep collecting everything you like. One day you will run out of space to keep them. We have a limited space in this world and the only way to expand is to meet new people, have new experiences and let the old ones go. If the memories were good you can always cherish them but do not cease making new happier memories by clinging on to the old ones.

Death is the biggest teacher and the biggest lesson it gives is of letting go and also of how vulnerable we all are. It is indeed important to be happy today rather than worrying today about tomorrow's sorrows. If you ask a person who is going to die because of a disease he will not have wishes like becoming the head of a company or earning a lot of money. But his wishes will be simple that would give him happiness for the little while that he has.

So why not live in the same way. Enjoy little things, simple things. Sometimes looking at a sunset or walking in the rain brings much more happiness than a new laptop or buying an iphone. Tell people you love that you love them. Forgive the ones that have hurt you. Enjoy yourself and spend some time alone. These little things are what make us and others around us happy.

Planning the future is important but one should not be obsessed with their future so much that they compromise their present. Life teaches us to keep moving, keep traveling. "One good thing about disasters is that they give us an opportunity to begin again." A tragedy that changes the life of a person can make or break them. It is our choice whether we want to give in or find a new way.

The cosmos always wants us to reach our destiny which we never know of. So why fret about what may happen and why cry about things that did not happen. The world is round and whatever you give finds its way back to you.  so when you lose do not hold on, let go. Remember, "When all else is lost, the future still remains."

The Last Date

3^rd Feb ‘11

I was on my way to meet him. I was happy, excited, sad and guilty all at the same time. We were together, in love, for more then three years but something changed and we drifted apart. The feelings were not the same anymore. I could no longer see the love in his eyes neither could he in mine. So we accepted the fact that we’re out of love and therefore would meet for one last time and then part ways.

We were supposed to meet at our favorite café in CP. I was running a little late. He used to hate my getting late. He would always call me at least five times before meeting just to make sure that I reached on time. For three years he did that every time we met but today was different. He messaged in the morning and asked if the plan was still on. When I replied, “Yes,” he replied, “K.” How I hate the ‘K’ in the SMS language. You can never make out the mood of the person by that letter!

I got out of my house and sat in my car. I loved to drive. When we went on drives I was the one who would actually drive the car and he just sat beside me. He loved the fact that I was taking him for drives and I loved him for sitting beside me and letting me drive. Most guys want to be ‘the man’ in the relation but he was just so easy and sometimes let me be in control.

As I pulled out on the road and saw the traffic on the main signal I knew I was going to be really late. I wanted to call him as I waited in the traffic like I used to. We would talk whenever we were stuck in traffic and when one of our favorites played on the radio, we would turn it up so that the other could also hear the song. I couldn’t do that anymore.

As I reached near the airport and saw a plane taking off I remembered when I had asked him to come to that place just so we could sit in our car and watch planes go by. We sat for almost an hour, mostly quiet, and stared at every plane till it vanished in the never ending sky. I wish love could also be like that, never ending.

Dhaula Kuan has changed so much since I moved in Delhi. It used to be a normal chawraha, the only difference was it had five main roads going in five different directions instead of four. Now it’s just a web of confusing flyovers and underpasses. The first time we went through it we had to take two u-turns to reach the correct road and he had said, “Girls can never make out directions.” Even though he was sitting beside me and was supposed to show me the way. I feel he should have. He was the guy!

Reaching CP nowadays is also a task if you’re driving. There are so many diversions that you can easily lose your way. But I had been there so often with him that now I knew how to reach and even how to be lost if I was with him. As I reached the outer circle my heart began to beat really fast like it would just come out of my body and tell me to stop and use my head first. But I didn’t listen to it. I took a left turn in the inner circle.

That’s when it hit. I think it was a big vehicle, probably a bus that hit my poor, tiny car. It just came from the right and hit hard on my side of the car. It did hurt to think that I would not meet him today for our last date. Then I just lost the sense of where I was.

I woke up after two hours, as my family said, in the hospital. I know something is wrong. Maybe I won’t live to see him again. Maybe our last date was my last date. I may not live through the day but I know I lived, specially when I was with him. He made me come alive. Every day, every drive and every journey where he was with me is what I call really living. So when I sleep tonight, and I know I may not wake up, I will be content and happy that I lived and loved.

A Little Less Than Perfect

26^th Aug ‘10

Anu is a photographer with a travel magazine and does landscape photography for it. She has joined the magazine just three months back and therefore she is yet to do some profound work. She thought she will have a chance on her trip to Manali which her magazine was covering next.

She has been planning for the trip well in advance. She saw many pictures of Manali as she had not been there earlier and visualised what she would click. She kept thinking about the hills of Manali and wanted to capture a sunrise over them. That photograph, she thought, would show her bosses that they had made the correct choice by hiring her.

The day to leave for the trip arrives. Anu, with her personal camera, is sitting excitedly in the office bus. A team of six people are going out of which she is one of the two photographers. The other is Raj, senior to her. She wanted to click a perfect photograph so that Raj would take her on all the following assignments with him.

The team reached Manali on a Saturday morning. Most of the journey went by in the night. Anu got down from the bus and took in a huge breadth of fresh air and smiled. The weather in Manali was perfect, not hot, not too cold, just perfect.

The team reaches their hotel to freshen up and soon everyone leaves to wander in the city. The boss is giving instructions about where to start, the writers are getting to know about the popular spots and Raj and Anu are planning their shoot. The trip is going to be of two days. The planning was complete and they went back to their hotel for lunch.

In the evening, Raj and Anu move to complete their task together. Raj clicked photographs of people, houses and the bazaar but Anu is not interested in these subjects. Still she observes Raj and notices how he approaches people and convinces them for a quick click. Raj encourages Anu to click some photographs. Every photograph he clicks he claimes to be perfect and every photograph Anu clicks he claims to be good but less than perfect.

In the night Anu enters her room upset and disheartened.  She is standing in the balcony of her room and is gazing at the horizon. The sun has just set and the sky has turned into different shades of orange and red. Anu remembers her desire to click a picture of a sunrise. She sets the alarm for early in the morning and goes to sleep. The alarm woke her up. It is still dark outside. Anu quickly got up, washes her face, picks her camera and leaves.

Anu had noticed a way towards the hills last evening when she was returning to her hotel. She starts her trek. After about an hour she reaches a location that would be perfect for her perfect photograph. She places her camera on a tripod and waits. The sky now is turning into different shades of yellow and Anu realises the moment is near. She clicks several pictures of the sunrise.

Anu is quite satisfied with her work while coming back to her hotel room. She freshens up and joins the others for breakfast. The boss asks Anu and Raj to meet him after breakfast with the photographs they clicked yesterday. He does not know anything about Anu’s little trip in the morning.

After breakfast Anu and Raj enter into their boss’s room carrying their laptops. Anu smiles and greets the boss and sits opposite him. The boss looks at their photographs and appreciates Anu’s work. Now the boss has to choose a photograph for the magazine. He chooses Raj’s photograph of the bazaar. Anu is disappointed.

Satisfied Raj stands to leave the room. As Anu is following him their boss stops her and asks her to stay. She sits back down and feels like he is about to scold her. But the boss appreciates Anu’s work again and opens a photograph of hers that she clicked in the morning. He asks Anu more about the photograph and says that it is perfect. He also says that for the magazine they needed a photograph that showed the people of Manali and not only the landscape. Her boss offers to send her photograph in a photography competition back in Delhi. Anu is excited at the thought of the competition.

The competition’s theme is ‘Open Spaces’ and Anu is proudly admiring her photograph on the wall with the rest of the entries. Her photograph has the blue hills, the dark green pine trees in the foreground, the yellowish sky and a new yellow-orange sun coming out from behind the hills. After the judges took a look at all the photographs it is time to announce the winners. Anu can’t hear anything because of her nervousness. All she hears is her name, “Anu Sharma, first prize, for her photograph titled ‘A Little Less Than Perfect,’” and then the claps. 

Nothing Personal

25th Jan '11

Relationships these days are anything but personal. We have complicated romantic relationships to the extent where we ourselves don't know whether we actually love a person or not. Most interestingly I realized that in today's world 'dating', 'in a relationship', 'committed' and 'married' are four entirely different things that you can be in with four different people. To top it all you don't have to be 'in love' to be in any of these four.

Having a lot of choices is good but it can get really confusing for our already confused generation. When it comes to shopping or jobs, choices are good but still confusing. But in relationships choices can be dangerous. Where do you draw the line emotionally as well as physically?

Being with someone in close proximity has it's emotional burdens. Dating involves meeting many people and getting to know them personally. Once they like each other they come together physically too. Where do we draw the line? Being with someone, romantically involved, is a personal thing. And these days having a girlfriend or a boyfriend is considered 'cool'. The first thing one does after getting into a relationship is change their status in their facebook profiles.

I think having someone special in your life can happen just once. Being in love is an intimate feeling that you cannot have with every person you spend some time with. Love is a feeling that grows with time and one cannot outgrow from.

I personally think that being involved with too many people weakens you emotionally. Giving your all to someone and then coming out of the relation then getting into a relation with someone else. How can these private and personal feelings shift and change from person to person?

There is nothing personal any more. Even the moments that one spends with the one they love. Why do people have to show that they love someone to the whole world? Does it really matter? I don't think so. Once you share these moments they don't remain special anymore. Having someone special in life is a very personal thing and should remain so.

Beyond Boundaries

19th Jan '11

Another earthquake struck yesterday night at the Pakistan-Afghanistan border. It was 7.4 at the richter scale. I still remember the earthquake in POK which came in Oct of 2008 or the Tsunami which came in 2004. Natural disasters cause lot of damage to life and property. They span over thousands of kilometers and leave traces of destruction. Yesterdays quake woke people up here in Delhi itself.

What I make of such events is not the destruction but a hidden meaning which they want us to find. There's a song from the movie 'Refugee', "Panchi, nadiyan, hawa ke jhonke, koi sarhad na inhe roke." It threw light on the fact that borders are created by the people themselves. We create divisions among ourselves and then fight when they have been violated. God just made the world, we created divisions. He made everyone the same, we want to be different.

But in times when a disaster strikes can you really tell it to stop at the border? The Tsunami of 2004 affected seven countries. The earthquake of 2008 led to damages in Pakistan, Afghanistan as well as India. That was the time when it really struck. Pakistan and India are countries that don't let one man step on the others territory without permission. How could you ever tell an earthquake to remain on the other side of the border because it's epicenter was there?

Not only in our countries but it is very sad to say that we have created strong borders within the country also. Recently there was a big dispute in Maharashtra where the members of the Shiv Sena demanded all non-Maharshtrians to leave the state. The situation was so bad that a few people did flee the state they had been living in for years.

A distinction is somewhere necessary so that we have a sense of what we own and what is owned by others. But the cause should always be greater. There's a thought that I read and it is mostly said in the Army, "A man should first be there for his country then for himself." Even in the movie 'Chak De India' Shahrukh as the coach said, "Pehle apni team ke liye khelo, fir apne sathiyon ke liye aur fir apne liye."

There are also times when we feel connected to the whole world at one time and feel as if there are no barriers. It was the time when I saw the opening ceremony of the Football World Cup. An estimated 80 million people watched the show. Just the fact that I am watching something that people all over the world are watching at the same time made me feel connected to the whole world. I felt how similar we are to everyone. We can always find common points in cultures across the world. There are sayings, way of education, sports, music that connect us. An age old saying that parents tell their children in India, "Paise pedh pe nahi ugte," I heard it in an episode of a show called 'Full house', "Money does not grow on trees," which was aired somewhere in 1990's.

Watching movies or shows from all over the world also opens up your horizon and makes you realize how similar people the world over are. But this bigger truth is hidden in the want of being different. In the want of having something to oneself. We don't want to share anything not realizing that in the end we are going to leave everything that we own on this earth itself. One more thought that I would like to add here "Our similarities keep us together, our differences make us special." Celebrate the differences and cherish the similarities there is nothing that is going to stay forever.

The Void

17th January '11

"We become aware of the void as we fill it." I was thinking for a long time that it is said that the value of a thing is seldom known until it be lost but it is also true that when we receive something we realize what we lacked. These things are mainly something good. A feeling never known before, a happiness never experienced before, something that makes you realize you lacked somewhere.

The experiences of life are to be remembered and learned from. Of all the experiences we cherish the good ones and learn from the bad ones. Then comes a time in you life when you experience something that you've never experienced before and you suddenly feel elated. Something that makes you happy. You were happy before but this new feeling gives pure bliss.

It can be the experience of a new job, working in an environment you like. It can be a person who makes you feel special, different. It can be a place that makes you feel welcomed. Anything that brings out a new feeling and a all new you.

We go through monotonous lives. Doing the same things everyday. The same schedule, meet the same people, live in the same house and work in the same office. Therefore when something different comes, that too good, we feel all new and happy. Nothing else can compare to the new feeling of elation and we want it to remain for a long time, as long as it can stay.

The void that is there in our lives lies dormant till someone or something fills it. Then we know that there indeed exists something which can make us complete. Nobody these days is satisfied with their lives. People may be happy but satisfaction is hard to find. We always want more than we have. Our dreams never end. That is human tendency but there has to be a point when you feel complete, satisfied with what you have achieved or what you have earned.

Happiness is a state of mind. You have to believe that you are happy. But the feeling of satisfaction or being complete can come with a little help of an outside force. When we allow something or someone to touch our life like no one has done before. Some find this force early and some may take longer. But when it comes you have to recognize and appreciate it. And the void will fill by itself.

Love the heart that hurts you but never hurt the heart that loves you because for the world you may be someone but for someone you might mean the world.

The only people we really hurt are those we love best.

Love does not claim possession but gives freedom.

“I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love.”

“True love comes quietly without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells get your ears checked.”

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognised.

If you do not change with time you will be left behind.

Hope for the best and be ready for the worst.

Don’t worry about the past, do the best today for a better tomorrow.

God allows life to rocky. His challenge is not to let the rocks grind you but to polish you into a brilliant gem. Be precious.

Win as if you were used to it, lose as if you enjoyed it for a change.

Everyone can fight but it’s our wits that make us men.

The true measure of a man’s success is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

Always do right. This will gratify some and astonish others.

Difficulties are meant to rouse not discourage.

A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.

Friends are as companions on a journey, who ought to aid each other to persevere in the road to happiness.

Is solace anywhere more comforting than in the arms of a friend?

Best friends are siblings God forgot to give us.

Best friends don’t necessarily have to say anything, they can sit in a room together and just be completely comfortable with each other.